Are you really living up to yourself and who you want to be? Are you happy with the way you spent your time today? Does what you do line up with who you think you are?
The biggest influence on what you do every day are your identities. These beliefs about yourself make up big parts of you are. And when you align your behaviors with your identities it feels good. Writers, write. Runners, run. Voters, vote. Parents, parent. And so on. But sometimes we can end up with a mismatch between our identity and our behavior.
If you truly believe in this identity as part of yourself then you should fully commit to the bit. Deeply live out (to the best of your ability and means) what you imagine the picture perfect life of a writer should be. Let the warmth of a relationship fill your soul. Fully live out and embrace the core parts of your most important identities with your mind and actions. Lean in. Make it a priority and let your chosen identity deeply guide your decisions in life, instead of holding the things you supposedly care about at arms length. Be proactive and give your time where your priorities lie.
What you commit to is what you make real. A lot of modern pain and general unhappiness comes from people that cannot bring themselves to commit to anything. We have an almost infinite amount of options in today's world. But instead of choosing any option, so many people mindlessly wander, going with the flow and never committing just in case the perfect choice might suddenly appear.
While it is usually a good idea to explore multiple options before committing to one (like dating for example), not choosing is still a choice. And that non-choice still has consequences, usually leaving you with a less fulfilling life while you wait for the perfect option to come along. Your life is still ticking away while you're waiting.
Commitment doesn't mean you have to swear and bind yourself to something forever and ever (though a lot of awesome experiences can come those kinds of commitments to the right people/things). But once you've decided to do something, you should throw yourself all in for the time you are committed to it. If you're going to be a writer you better be writing as often as you possibly can, making writer friends, fully living out the experience of being a writer.
And this commitment doesn’t mean throwing everything else in your life to the side in the pursuit, that will only end in burnout. That isn’t commitment, that’s obsession. Commitment is stable, reliable, and sustainable. You show up day after day and while you’re writing you’re 100% focused on that. But once your writing day is done you move on to spend time with your family or friends and you’re 100% present and engaged with them, fully embodying what it means to be in a good partner/parent/friend.
This kind of living is far more meaningful than half-assing a bunch of stuff while most of your split attention in life actually ends up going to social media scrolling. When you commit to the bit you go to bed satisfied with the way you spent your day. When you’re living the fullest, most committed version of yourself, there’s no regret. I suggest you give this commitment to yourself and who you want to be a try.